just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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