what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this boner is exhausting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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