I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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