6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize