Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
