I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
