If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
