Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
