can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
