I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone came in the potted fern
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
