I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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