So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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