I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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