I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
