True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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