I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
