I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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