there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
