So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
