I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
