It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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