Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
