I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well you can't waste a boner
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
