just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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