oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
