I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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