they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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