well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
