I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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