I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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