I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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