you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We got so high we made milksteak
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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