so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
