im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
