dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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