I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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