By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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