EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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