So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You did what with his pubic hair?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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