No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
