every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize