Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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