My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
