its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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