I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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