She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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