ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
