she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
