I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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