Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
