is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
