it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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