omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
