His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
