how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Two words: blizzard sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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