i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
