I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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