He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
