Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
