i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
