Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
