It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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