He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
