Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
