Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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