The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
