You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
