mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
