my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
