he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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